Will the True Renegades Please Stand Up?

Homeschooling as the Ultimate Act of Revolution and Societal Preservation Part III

Photo Credit: Mdishakrahman on Pixelbay

Our family has learned through personal experience just how life-changing, character-affirming, and intellect-preserving homeschool can be for children—and parents! In this series conclusion, I will discuss our family’s personal homeschool journey in detail, including how and why we ultimately left the school system, common misconceptions about homeschool, mistakes we’ve made along the way, what it actually looks like to homeschool three rambunctious boys with wildly different needs when both parents work and travel, and why, despite all the challenges we’ve faced, it’s the best thing we’ve ever done for our family.

How and Why We Ultimately Left the School System

Before the COVID-19 pandemic, our little family was sailing along in relative peace, not yet terribly worried about the quality of our children’s education, as we had a baby, a toddler, and a first grader. When the lockdowns began and we learned that the schools were shutting down—ostensibly for two weeks—we panicked. My husband was working full time doing research and caring for patients in the hospital, and I was doing my best to work from home while caring for our baby full time. We had no idea how we were going to make it all work, and started praying for the schools to reopen.

Two weeks into the lockdowns, the schools showed no sign of reopening—and in fact seemed to be looking for excuses to remain closed as long as possible. As two weeks stretched into two months—and ultimately, two years—we found ourselves loving the experience of spending so much time together as a family. Though we had always prioritized our family time (or so we believed), it wasn’t until the lockdowns happened that we realized how busy we actually were and how much of each day we were spending apart. With Joe at the hospital or the office all day, our eldest sons in two different schools, and our newest addition and me at home, the five of us really only saw each other early in the mornings before school started and late in the afternoons after work ended. The disruption of quarantining turned out to be a welcome blessing for us, and we quickly settled into a new routine that focused more on family fun than function.

We made a daily practice of seeing what kind of joy and beauty we could create for our boys using things we already had in the house. We had dance parties, cooking classes, Spanish language practice, story time, drawing classes, music appreciation, and art projects. We had weekly theme days, where the boys would draw the name of a state or country out of a jar and we would create a whole day of fun based on the traditions of that place; we cooked and ate their native dishes, learned their native dances, listened to their native music, did their native crafts, studied their people and culture, and watched related movies or film clips. It was a magical time for our family, and after a while, we stopped longing for the schools to reopen . . . in fact, we forgot all about them. The initial inconvenience of the situation quickly paled in comparison to the blessings it brought, and Joe and I often marveled at the fact that it took a pandemic hitting pause on the whole world to give our kids the kind of childhood we had always wanted them to have.

When Los Angeles schools finally did reopen, it was (absurdly) with virtual classrooms. We felt that it was ludicrous to expect small children to have a worthwhile educational experience sitting in front of a computer screen for several hours a day (remember all the years prior to the pandemic when the American Academy of Pediatrics actually discouraged all screen time for children under two years old and recommended limiting older children’s screen time to no more than an hour or two a day?), so we made the decision to officially begin homeschooling our boys.

Since we had no real experience and no idea where to begin, we simply picked up where the boys’ schools had left off, continuing the same curriculums they had been using prior to the lockdowns—just at home (this is what we thought homeschooling was at the time). In doing so, we began to notice how lackluster those curriculums actually were. Since our children were so little, we hadn’t thought to be overly concerned about the quality of education they were getting in preschool and first grade, but we should have been. Closer examination of their materials revealed poor quality, inappropriate content, and cultivated versions of “history” that made us question what in the world our children—and all children—were being taught in school. We weren’t happy with what we saw, but before we had a chance to explore further, our lives changed dramatically.

In 2021, my husband was tapped to be the Surgeon General of Florida, so we happily left Los Angeles and moved our family across the country. By that time, Florida had already begun to earn a reputation as a “free state” due to Governor DeSantis’ handling of the pandemic. Compared to where we had come from, Florida was a dream. There were no lockdowns, no mask requirements, no closed beaches, no roped-off children’s playgrounds, and the schools were wide open. Since we didn’t know anybody in Florida, we decided to enroll our boys in a local school so they could make some friends. We had no idea what a colossal error in judgment this would prove to be.

From the moment we enrolled our kids in school, we started having problems. Our usually happy, sunny, kind, adventurous children began to exhibit signs of frustration, fatigue, resentment, and unhappiness. They complained that their teachers were uninterested, their lessons unengaging, and their classmates unkind. Not used to being told when to eat, when to use the bathroom, when to play outside, etc., they grew to resent the environment that cared more about controlling them than teaching them how to care for themselves.

Our eldest became disheartened because his peers lacked his emotional depth and maturity, and he couldn’t find anyone to truly connect with. His peers were already getting into fights and bringing weapons to school, and most of them were already addicted to technology, their little faces buried snugly in their smartphones. A deeply kind and tender-hearted child, Eric was emotionally devastated when his teacher let him loose on the internet (against our wishes, and unsupervised to boot) and told him to find a Holocaust photo that corresponded to each letter of the alphabet—at NINE years old! After being unwittingly exposed to horrific violence for the first time, he was traumatized and had difficulty sleeping for months. When I confronted the school about what had happened, they failed to even understand why I was upset, and could only offer a feeble “but that’s always what we teach in fifth grade.” Years later, our son has nightmares about what he saw that day.

Our middle guy was miserable and bored because he found the material unchallenging and hated being cooped up at a desk all day. He’s the kind of kid that needs to move his body all the time and cannot process information while sitting still. He is a brilliant engineer who needs to work with his hands in order to feel engaged, so sitting and listening to lectures doesn’t work for him. He is also quite sensitive to the energies of other people and gets overwhelmed if he has to be trapped in a classroom with no personal space or alone time for hours. As a result, poor Jack kept getting in trouble for needing to move around and/or take a break, and was unfairly labeled a problem child—simply because he was honoring his body’s natural instincts.

Our youngest fundamentally believes that he should be in charge of all people and all situations, so you can imagine how well he was received in the classroom. I got constant complaints from his teacher that he was “too bossy” and “too energetic” for their taste. Mind you, I explained to these teachers at the beginning of the school year that Max is exceptionally intelligent and curious and needs to be constantly challenged or he will become destructive and create his own entertainment. So, each time I fielded her frustrated phone calls, I asked her the same questions: “What were the children doing directly prior to the incident? Was Max engaged and busy, or was he bored?” Unsurprisingly, I received the same answer every single time: “Oh, well, I wasn’t paying attention so I’m not really sure.”

In addition to these issues, the quality of education our children received was woefully subpar. On far too many occasions, they would bring home worksheets from their teachers that were replete with spelling and grammatical errors. They were assigned take-home projects that were either so absurdly simple that they felt like busy work, or so inappropriately advanced that only a parent could hope to complete them (like the time we spent an entire weekend creating an intricate science fair project and presentation board for our eight-year-old. . . *insert eye roll here*). And, as many other parents will attest, Common Core Math is an unmitigated disaster that caused far more problems than it ever solved (pun emphatically intended).

It quickly became apparent that the school environment wasn’t working for any of our children. It was stifling them, frustrating them, dimming their radiant light, and trying to force conformity rather than engender critical thinking or intellectual curiosity—which is exactly the opposite of what a good education is supposed to do. We realized that if we wanted to give our children the inspiring, rich, joyful education they deserved, we would have to pull them out of the system that was failing them—and so many other children—and embrace homeschool.

Lessons Learned and Mistakes We’ve Made Along the Way

Transitioning to homeschool felt quite overwhelming at first, simply because of the sheer number of options that were suddenly available to us. It felt like we were trekking into the great unknown, and we had so many questions: What curriculum should we use? What type of educational model did we like? What type of learners are our kids? Do we want to join a co-op or go it alone? What should our school day look like?

We soon discovered that, while you can read all the books you want, listen to all the podcasts on the net, and consult all the homeschool friends you have, the only way to figure out what works for your family is to jump in with both feet and try things out. Trial and error taught us several lessons along the way—and corrected several misconceptions that we had—so I’m going to share some of the highlights with you in hopes that it saves you (and your kids) from unnecessary struggling.

Homeschooling is Not “Recreating School at Home”

I fully expected to face a learning curve when we transitioned to homeschool, but I thought it would be with my children; I never expected that my greatest challenge would be unschooling myself! Though I have always pushed back against established systems and rejected the notion that I should do anything a certain way “because it has always been done that way,” it turned out that I was still carrying more indoctrination from my own educational experience than I ever imagined. In this brief clip, I discuss how I had to unlearn every destructive, counterproductive lesson I had learned from my own schooling in order to give my children the educational experience they deserve:

Once I released the notion that homeschool needed to mimic the traditional classroom environment, the absence of schedule and structure turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to our family. We now get to spend our days playing, learning, and exploring together and watching the natural curiosity and brilliance of our children come to life. We already knew our boys were incredibly talented, generous, brilliant, and beautiful souls, but it has truly been a gift getting to spend every day discovering their natural talents and affinities.

Don’t Fall Prey to Curriculum Overwhelm

Anyone who has ever googled “homeschool curriculum” or attended a homeschool convention knows that there are hundreds, possibly thousands, of different curriculum options available, ranging from highly specialized, single-subject curricula to comprehensive, all-in-one options that cover all core subjects. So how do you begin to choose between them?

First of all, don’t do what I did and buy every fantastic thing you come across right off the bat, thinking you’ll find some way to cram 15 different subjects, 6 art projects, and 3 science experiments into a single school day. Sending a nerd into a homeschool curriculum convention is much like sending a kid into a candy store—except a whole lot more expensive! I went absurdly overboard and bought far too much material before I had even developed a realistic idea of how much we could reasonably fit into one day, how my kids learn best, and what they actually enjoy. Despite my best intentions, I ended up with tons of curricula I never used and ended up donating to other moms.

If I had it to do over again, the first question I would ask myself is “What kind of learner is each of my children?” It’s very helpful to figure out whether your kids learn best through reading, listening, observing, doing, or a combination of these approaches. For example, my middle child is very auditory, and I discovered that playing audio textbooks aloud for him (rather than having him read them) or reading him stories while he busies his hands with building or art projects is the most effective approach for him.

Second, I would ask myself what style of curriculum each of my kids prefers. For example, my eldest is extremely proficient in math and takes several advanced classes. He prefers a straightforward, no-nonsense approach like that of Saxon Math, which wastes no real estate on frills or pictures. My younger two, however, are much more enthralled with language arts than math, so finding a curriculum like The Good and The Beautiful, which teaches math with textbooks so colorful and visually appealing that they could be storybooks, has helped them fall in love with what used to be their least favorite subject.

Third, I would ask myself about the attention span of each of my children. My youngest just turned seven, so he obviously doesn’t have the same will to sit still and learn as my middle schooler does. Consequently, it’s smarter to focus his energy on a curriculum we can either tackle in small chunks (think 15 minutes at a time) or that gets us outside and moving around. For example, our current science curriculum is about 90% fun experiments and nature exploration, and about 10% bookwork, as he learns best through doing, and the pace and excitement of experimentation captures his seven-year-old attention span far better than a book ever could.

There is No One-Size-Fits-All Approach

When we first decided to homeschool, I was determined to create the “perfect” daily school schedule and began interviewing every homeschool parent I knew and watching every podcast I could get my hands on in order to figure out what that looked like. But guess what I discovered? It doesn’t exist. For every family, and for every child within that family, there is a different “perfect” daily school model—and thank goodness! Isn’t the freedom to tailor each child’s education specifically to their needs a big part of homeschool’s appeal in the first place?

Let go of the belief that you have to perfectly schedule each day in order to be successful. You don’t need to do every subject at the same time every day. In fact, you don’t even need to do every subject every day, and if you do, you don’t need to do it in the same way every day. For example, our kids are three different ages, and are thus at three distinct levels of development. It’s not possible or reasonable to teach all three of them the same subject at the same time because they all have different books and skill levels. Instead, I might have my eldest tackle his Latin workbook and my youngest work on his handwriting while I teach math to my middle child. Or, I might help my eldest with his science fair project while my younger two are completing a science experiment on their own. Or, I might teach grammar to my youngest while my eldest helps my middle child make lunch for everyone. There are infinite ways to get things done while ensuring that each child gets the help, love, and attention they need to thrive.

Sometimes we are in such a lovely learning rhythm and having so much fun with our studies that we do school seven days a week, not even realizing our academics have spilled over into the weekend. Other times, we might feel a bit under the weather or want to spend a rainy day watching movies, so we skip a day or two of school that week. Or, we might opt to take a field trip on a weekday, so make up that school day on the weekend. And if we want to travel or celebrate a holiday, we might skip a week or two of school and make it up in the summertime. There are no rules. You can create whatever schedule works best for your family; it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.

Don’t Go It Alone

One of the biggest challenges of homeschooling is feeling alone and overwhelmed in the face of too many options and too many unknowns. But you don’t have to do it all by yourself; in fact, you shouldn’t! We have discovered that one of the most wonderful, joyful, and supportive aspects of homeschool life is the community that comes along with it. As I mentioned in Part II of this series, homeschool communities embody a nostalgic return to the village model of raising children (from which, I contend, we never should have strayed). They offer a strong, diverse network of caregivers and community members who provide support, offer guidance, and foster security and resilience in the collective’s children. One of the misconceptions about homeschool that I hear most often is that it’s lonely or that there’s not enough support, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. In a homeschool community, everybody helps! The adults help each other, their own children, and each other’s children, and those children in turn learn to help others. There are countless homeschool co-ops out there, so go visit a few until you find the right fit for your family. Co-ops make homeschooling much easier—and life is better with friends.

Speaking of friends, this is a perfect time to discuss the widely-held misconception that homeschool kids are not as well-socialized as their public school peers. I have found this belief to be patently false—so much so, in fact, that I have come to wonder whether this longstanding rumor is merely propaganda perpetuated by a failing public education system in order to scare parents into staying. In my opinion, homeschool often offers far better socialization than regular school for several reasons.

First, homeschool often offers a higher caliber peer group than public school. Homeschooled children are typically more emotionally mature than their public school peers because they get more one-on-one attention, have their individual learning styles respected and nurtured, and spend much more time forming healthy attachments to their parents. As a result, homeschooled kids are usually confident, conscious, present, attentive, kind, helpful, look you straight in the eye, speak clearly and intelligently, and can easily interact with people of any age—including adults.

You need to ask yourself who you want your children socializing with (forgive the dangling preposition. . . it was needed for emphasis). When our kids were enrolled in public school, they had a difficult time making real friends. All three of them are friendly, sweet, outgoing boys, so found plenty of casual acquaintances with whom to play and chat, but found no real connections, and it bothered them deeply. They found the other children to be casually cruel, superficial, technology-addicted, and poorly behaved, with no real interest in or capacity for genuine relationships. The moment we joined a homeschool community, all of that changed.

Immediately, our children found a plethora of the real, genuine friendships they were looking for. In fact, they made so many friends that on the days we weren’t in co-op, we were constantly at play dates, field trips, and parties because our community was so tightly-knit that the children wanted to spend all of their time—both in school and out—together.

Additionally, homeschool offers a community with more common ground than other schooling options. Homeschool parents tend to have a lot in common, as choosing to step outside the educational system indicates a certain level of commitment to your child’s education and comfort with the road less traveled. It also indicates that you care enough about imparting solid morals and values—which are long-lost in most public schools (and many private schools) today—to assume complete responsibility for their educational experience, despite the enormous commitment and enduring social stigma of homeschooling. Since shared values often lead to profoundly meaningful relationships, it is far easier to offer your child genuine, lasting friendships in a homeschool setting.

Yes, You ARE Qualified to Teach Your Child

Too often, I hear parents doubt or disparage their own abilities, saying that they are “not confident enough” or “not smart enough” to homeschool their children. There are, of course, differences in everyone’s inherent level of intelligence and teaching ability. However, regardless of your educational background, experience, or level of confidence, YOU are your child’s first and best teacher. No one is ever going to love your kids and care about their well-being and success as much as you do, which makes you the best candidate to take responsibility for their education. If your heart is urging you to homeschool, do not allow fear to prevent you from doing it. Even if it isn’t perfect, your children will be far better off learning from caregivers and communities that genuinely love them than institutionalized inside a system that wishes to enslave and homogenize them.

Besides, taking ownership of your child’s education doesn’t meant doing it all yourself. If there are subjects you are less comfortable teaching, trade skills with your spouse or another homeschooling parent, sign your child up for a class, or get a tutor; there is plenty of support available! In our family, I handle the majority of subjects for our kids, but my husband is far more gifted at math than I, so he handles our eldest son’s advanced math courses. Neither of us remember our Latin well enough to teach it effectively (nor do we currently have the time or inclination to re-learn it), so our eldest is enrolled in Latin classes.

You can also trade skills with friends in your community. For example, one of my friends is an avid gardener with an incredible yard, so she teaches the kids about biodynamic gardening and growing their own food. Another friend is a research scientist who loves the outdoors, so she hosts a monthly Science Club in a nearby park and treats the kids to an enlightening science experiment and lecture. Another friend loves to cook and is blessed with a huge industrial kitchen, so she hosts themed cooking classes for the community kids.

The World is Your Classroom

Education is not confined to the classroom; learning can happen anywhere! We cover plenty of academic material in our lessons, but one of the great things about homeschooling is that, rather than wasting precious hours on the superficial routines of the public school environment (waiting for attendance to be taken, waiting for announcements to be completed, waiting for teachers to deal with behavioral problems, waiting in line for lunch, waiting for help with their work, etc.), students get to use all those extra hours to pursue their own interests and learn useful life skills.

Including your kids in everyday activities like shopping, meal preparation, cooking, cleaning, and community service provides great learning experiences and preparation for life. Take a break from the books sometimes and teach them math by baking cookies. Take your kids to work with you and show them what you do. Volunteer together for a community restoration project. Have everybody write their favorite books or countries on slips of paper inside a jar, draw one out weekly or monthly, and have a theme day. Recently, we had a Harry Potter theme day that involved reading a few chapters of the book (we have been working our way through the series), picking out three recipes from our Harry Potter cookbook, shopping for and cooking them together, making our own wands, and recreating potions class with our chemistry set! Sometimes, the best and most memorable lessons have more to do with spontaneity and creativity than a strict curriculum.

Additionally, teaching your children good self-care and healthy habits is every bit as important as academics. Helping them learn to identify when they are hungry, tired, cranky, anxious, or upset is a critically important life skill. We frequently discuss personal needs and build self-care habits—including exercise, alone time, sauna use, meditation, good nutrition, hydration, and rest—into our daily schedule. Teaching your children to honor their natural rhythms, listen to the demands of their bodies, and take care of their needs will do far more to produce healthy, functional, responsible adults than an extra hour a day of academics will.

In conclusion, while homeschooling is a choice we made largely out of frustration with the educational system and desperation to spare our children from being devoured by it, we have ended up loving it at least as much as they do. Beyond being a healthier, happier choice for our family, it has given us so many unexpected gifts: academic freedom, a flexible schedule, more time with our kids, easy travel, the ability to enjoy uncrowded field trips to aquariums and museums on weekdays, amazing friends, and a wonderful community of like-minded souls. My only regret is not homeschooling right from the beginning of my children’s education—but then I would not have been able to experience first-hand just how destructive the public school system is, or appreciate homeschooling for the incredible gift that it is.

We are only given a tiny window of time in which to impact our children and infuse them with a lifelong love of learning—and of themselves—before they become adults. I read somewhere that by the time your children turn 12, you’ll already have spent 75% of all the time you’ll ever get with them, and by the time they turn 18, that number is closer to 90%. The brief time we get with our babies is precious, fleeting, and irreplaceable. We have years to pursue our own interests and goals, but our children grow up in the blink of an eye. Homeschooling our children allows me to maximize this time with them, and there is no greater privilege than watching them grow into the amazing humans they came here to be. It is a sacrifice, to be sure, but one I will never, ever regret.

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